When the holiday calls — Father’s Day, in this case — you have no choice but to answer, even as you grieve.

I know, I know, my friend. This absolutely sucks!

Yet what choice do you have as a grieving heart?

Option 1 is to insert yourself in bubble wrap to insulate yourself from being inundated with Father’s Day ads and festivities. (Hello, fantasy land!) Option 2 is to acknowledge the reality of the day and take steps to prepare yourself in advance, as much as you possibly can.

Since my dad died in March 2020, I’ve felt tempted to hide from all of the Father’s Day activity. Nevertheless, it’s virtually impossible to do so. With the click of an icon on a cell phone, we’re flooded with commercials, gift ideas, and sentimental items focused on fathers. And aside from my experiencing father loss, deep down, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Fathers deserve to be celebrated for not only what they represent, but more importantly, for who they are.

My dad, Darnell Lars Harris, embodied adventure and togetherness. I can easily recall the hundreds of times he invited family around the country to gather for a cruise or simply enjoy time together in his party hot tub.

This year, my third Father’s Day without him, I’m determined to pursue both on his special day.

Don’t get me wrong, friend. It remains emotionally tough when the holiday calls.

However, I’ve realized the importance of preparing my heart in advance. With a few days remaining, I wanted to share that Father’s Day may bring up or heighten emotions associated with father loss. First, know this is 100% normal. Preparing for the upcoming holiday can awaken an array of intense feelings, no matter how long you’ve experienced life without your father (or the relationship you had with him). Second, know you’re not alone. While exact numbers are unclear, the rates of father loss increased throughout the past two years as a result of COVID-19. Finally, planning can prove valuable. It may be helpful for you to think ahead to Father’s Day and plan for ways that may bring you comfort and support.

Here are a few planning suggestions …

• Consider taking action, engaging in activities your dad enjoyed. Believe it or not, this can help foster a sense of closeness to him and afford you emotional comfort. While this may not lift the sadness you might feel, it can help you lean into your feelings and relationship with your dad.

• Don’t be afraid to seek support from family and friends. Consider talking with them prior to Father’s Day to explore how they might best help you on the holiday. For example, you might request a phone check-in or schedule time to physically meet up to reflect and share.

• Schedule time to reflect by exploring physical memorabilia. This may help you experience emotional proximity to your dad and remind you of joyful times in the past. Sometimes, it’s helpful to set an alarm for a designated amount of time to reflect, then move forward with other activities on the day itself.

• Identify the activities you will (or won’t) do on Father’s Day. Remember, you’re the only one who decides what’s best for you. Think ahead to rituals that you find comforting, while also outlining situations that may elicit unhelpful or harmful reactions on your part. Know there’s no wrong way to proceed.

Yes … when the holiday calls, you must answer.

Remember, however, just how much agency you have to care for yourself, ask for help, and lean into your experience. From one grieving heart to another, you’re far more capable than you may believe.

Feel free to share your thoughts below.

XO,

M.

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