As you support a loved one who’s experienced traumatic grief, you realize that walking the walk isn’t easy …

Being there for someone navigating a tough moment is one thing. Consistently showing up for them for a lifelong struggle is completely different. Even as a licensed psychologist, I sometimes struggle to sit in the messy and complicated parts of other’s lives … especially when it’s challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And I don’t feel bad about it. You shouldn’t either.

Why? Because sitting with someone in the depth of tremendous loss, coupled with symptoms of lingering trauma, can feel exhausting and overwhelming.

At the same time, those who’ve experienced traumatic grief need you and me. We need each other. We need to be reminded that walking through valleys is normal. That some situations in life have no easy answers. That the flow of life isn’t linear … though on many days, we wish it was.

Walking the walk isn’t easy, however.

Often, it can be tempting to shift a person who’s grieving into a happy state. This is related, in part, to the desire to help the grieving person feel better.  In addition, it’s a reflection of your own discomfort. Of course, it’s overwhelming to walk with someone in the valley of despair. And it’s understandable that as you feel the weight of their experience, you may want to avoid or minimize it altogether.

Friend, if you’re struggling to support someone navigating the symptoms of traumatic grief, you’re not alone.

I want to encourage you to keep going. Keep showing up. Continue to make your presence known, particularly as grieving hearts feel isolated due to the grief itself.

While walking the walk isn’t easy, it’s possible.

It’s important to keep the following ideas in mind as you support your friend or family member.

• You don’t have the answers to solve your friend’s pain. Often with traumatic grief, there are no answers. Do your best to right the reflex to “fix“ the situation and simply focus on being present with your friend. While this may seem like a low-impact investment, it’s a powerful one.

• Your presence alone is a wonderful gift. All too often, we minimize the gift of presence and instead, focus exclusively on words. Yet the person experiencing traumatic grief symptoms may not need words, particularly when those words can’t offer solutions or understanding amid a situation that makes no sense. While seemingly passive, the act of sitting and honoring another’s story is incredibly impactful.

• Seek out your own support. Know that as you listen to details of your friend’s story, including their trauma narrative, you may experience vicarious trauma. In other words, their words may impact you in significant ways, making it difficult to sit in their pain. It’s important for you to have an outlet to express your emotions, name your needs, and release the overwhelm you may feel inside.

I have a wonderful (and free) resource to help you support someone who’s grieving.

Click here to grab this easily digestible and informative freebie.

Remember … while walking the walk is necessary, it isn’t easy.

I’m hopeful this gift will offer you some guidance and inspire you to explore new ways to support your friend or family member as they grieve.

As always, I welcome your thoughts.

XOXO, 

M.

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