The first year of grieving had me running on empty …

Unfortunately, as a high-performing and energetic woman, I didn’t even realize it at the time. Looking back, however, especially at pictures of myself, I can see the toll grief took on my body.

The year, 2013 … roughly 10 months after my mom died. I’d traveled to Hawaii for a bus-ure (business-pleasure) trip and became immediately captivated by the beauty of Oahu. Each morning of my two-week stay, I enjoyed 5-mile runs along the beach. My appetite suppressed as a result of grief, I didn’t feel the need to fuel up prior to exercising. And afterwards, my endorphins filled me up to the point where eating fell off my radar altogether. Ever been there?

With no appetite, nearly 25 pounds fell off my body following my mom’s death, leaving me physically compromised and emotionally scattered.

What I’ve learned over the years, as part of my own grief education and processing, is that what I experienced is 100% normal.

In her 2013 Huffington Post article, Dr. Wendie Trubow explains, “When you’re reacting to stress, the last thing you should do is eat because it diverts blood flow toward the stomach and away from the lower half of our body. This is important because we need increased blood flow to those muscles in order to run! And, while modern-day stressors don’t typically involve lions, our bodies are programmed to respond this way whether it’s life or death, or not. Thus, it makes sense that when you encounter an acute stressor, or grief-causing event, that your appetite is suppressed.” You can read Dr. Trubow’s entire article here.

Running on empty is expected, though you have to take steps to regain a sense of physical balance.

Months after traveling to Hawaii, I began to experience random aches and pains, partly brought on by sheer wear-and-tear on my body. Instinctively, I knew it was time to not only improve my eating habits, but also focus more on physical wellness.

Here are a few of the strategies I used to help myself:

• Setting up an eating schedule. Despite my not experiencing hunger pangs, I created a schedule for eating throughout the day and did my best to adhere to it. Sometimes, I simply grazed on snack food. On other days, I willed myself to eat full meals. Over time, this helped my grief-ridden brain remember to eat on a regular schedule. And this resulted in my gaining the weight I needed to carry me through the next wave of grieving.

• Taking time to be still and pray. I realized that the act of prayer requires stillness, and for me, with stillness came intentional breathing. This inadvertently helped me calm my nervous system, which in turn, enabled my body to resume healthier digestive rhythms. It was as if each breath opened a portal for my body to absorb the food I’d begun to eat. Ahhh, how amazing the body truly is!

• Reaching out to others for accountability. Once I realized how much weight I’d lost, as well as recognized the toll of the weight loss on my body, I sought help from family and close friends. While they certainly weren’t my ‘eating police,’ they did remind me to eat on days when my mind drifted elsewhere. And they challenged me to rest, pursue therapy, and focus on the feelings associated with my mom’s death. The more I relaxed into the pain of grief, the more I settled into a new and healthier body rhythm. (FYI, I wrote an entire memoir, “Relaxing Into the Pain: My Journey Into Grief & Beyond,” that you can order here).

Friend, you may be running on empty today, unsure of where to start or how to help yourself.

My first recommendation is to be gentle with yourself as you work to re-establish healthy bodily rhythms. Shifts won’t happen overnight, but they will come. Go easy! Next, consider the strategies I’ve shared and explore how you might integrate them into your day-to-day life. As you discover not only how powerful your body is, but also its intricate connection to your emotional and spiritual well-being, you’ll feel more inspired to take small steps to help anchor it.

As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below.

XOXO,

M.

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