What does it mean to embrace slower rhythms, especially when we live in a world that reinforces busy-ness?

First things first … let me be clear. I am a DO-ER. While I’d love to say I feel zen and relaxed throughout most of life’s ebbs and flows, unfortunately, it’s simply not true. I like the idea of being proactive, predicting ways to help myself along life’s windy path.

And don’t get me wrong. A part of each of us needs to DO. We’re wired to DO. As a faith-filled believer in Christ, I cling to the scriptures that note God’s DOING, as part of the creation story. I see the ways Jesus DID throughout his short-lived ministry, blessing and leading others. There’s nothing inherently wrong with doing.

The problem, however, resides in our primary focus on doing in life.

If I’ve learned anything throughout my 46 years of living, I know that doing won’t save you. It won’t prevent life’s valley moments. It doesn’t fulfill our deepest longings.

Every fiber of my being, nevertheless, wishes it did. Wouldn’t this make life so much easier?

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If you’re not familiar with my story, 2012, as well as the years that followed, rocked me to the core. After a sudden stage IV pancreatic cancer diagnosis, my mom died just 30 days later. I responded in the only way I knew at the time … doing. More work. Busy-ness. A full schedule. A mixture of grief avoidance and habit, I continued to DO. Unfortunately, my doing didn’t halt the flow of pain associated with my loss.

An astute therapist propelled me into a new season of ‘relaxing into the pain of my grief,’ something I’d never considered up to that point. (FYI, if you’d like to read a copy of my memoir by the same name, you can snag a copy here: https://www.amazon.com/Relaxing-Into-Pain-Journey-Beyond/dp/1512747084).

It was a novel thought, for sure. At the time, however, I knew I needed to try something new.

DOING simply wasn’t working.

Here’s what I discovered about how to embrace slower rhythms …

• It takes practice. Intellectually recognizing the need to slow down and stop doing as much doesn’t come easy. Just imagine how hard it is to break any habit. However, with time and intention setting, it’s possible to shift into a new way of being. One way I’ve trained myself to slow down is to schedule rest and down time. Yep, I write it in my calendar! And I do this prior to writing anything else down. The goal, making myself a priority. Some of the ways I slow down include: mindfully drinking my morning cup of hazelnut coffee, meditating for 10-15 minutes a day, writing in my journal upon waking, and walking my subdivision at a purposefully slower pace. The cool part is that now that I’m used to slower rhythms, I can more readily tell when I’m trying to do too much.

• You may slip back into doing mode. You’re human, my friend. And with your humanity comes missteps, wrong turns, accidents, and oversights. I encourage you to forgive yourself in advance for relapsing into doing. It’s bound to happen! Over the years, my natural tendency to DO has reared its head. In particular, this tends to occur in higher stress situations. Psychological science is helpful in normalizing this phenomenon. Basically, we all tend to move towards what’s most familiar when stressed, even if it’s not the most helpful or healthy. I’ve learned to anticipate this and work to regularly check-in with myself each day. The more I do this, the less temptation there is to fall back into unhelpful habits.

• Self-compassion is everything. Given that we’re all wired for comfort and familiarity, a crucial step towards being is extending grace towards yourself. When my therapist and I first discussed the concept of ‘relaxing into the pain’ of my grief, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Consequently, I did what I knew best — working myself to the bone and sucking things up. After months of weekly sessions, though, I learned the importance of being kind to myself. This not only helped me when I did fall back into doing, but it also helped me view the entire grief process in new ways.

How can you embrace slower rhythms today, my friend?

Maybe you need to schedule down time in your calendar. Or perhaps you might benefit from sharing your struggles with an accountability partner. Finally, you may explore meditative and mindfulness practices that sound interesting.

Whatever you decide, friend, know it will benefit your life.

Though society pushes us towards and reinforces doing, there’s no much beauty in simply being. What a beautiful act of loyalty towards oneself!

I hope you’ll open your mind and hear to this truth.

As always I’d love to hear what you think. Please leave a comment below.

XOXO,

M.

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