I don’t think I realized just how over-exposed I was to death and dying until late fall 2021.  Up to that point, I plugged along in my practice and worked to grow my business.  I practiced daily rituals to navigate the losses of both of my parents.  And I regularly sought wise counsel to increase my awareness of grief triggers and improved personal and professional boundaries.  Yet there I was.  Overwhelmed, exhausted, and under-inspired.

I don’t need to tell you how disruptive the past two years have been.  At any given moment, you could turn on your TV or scroll through social media and observe the death toll rising as a result of COVID-19.  This, coupled with daily news programming focused on societal ills, negatively affected us all in various ways.

Coping with over-exposure to death, while certainly not easy, is absolutely necessary.

Why?  Because constant exposure to stressful news can be anxiety-provoking situation and can contribute to psychological distress.  For some people, death exposure can lead to thoughts about one’s own mortality, resulting in anxiety and fear.  I’d be remiss here, however, if I didn’t recognize that research exploring the impact of death exposure has yielded mixed results.  Some researchers note that individuals may also begin to integrate end-of-life wisdom and experience a greater sense of hope and meaning as they navigate their lives in the present.

In my case, feelings of overwhelm and irritability reigned, sprinkled in with occasional bursts of hope.  And I knew it would be important to explore new strategies to help reduce anxiety. 

Here’s what helped:

• Taking time away from social media and TV. Though I prefer reading to spending time watching TV or scrolling through social media, I found myself frequently checking both for COVID-19 and local news updates.  The result … more death exposure. In order to combat this, I set up the ‘Focus’ feature on my iPhone from 9:00a through 7:00p.  This limited my receiving notifications across social media and news channels throughout the day. At the same time, it afforded me short bits of time in the morning and evening to review notifications and stay informed about current events.

• Scheduling time to check-in with myself. I’ve always enjoyed pausing throughout the day to explore what’s happening in my mind and body.  It’s provided a natural space to stop working for a bit and care for myself. Inevitably, the pause always seems to occur when I need it most. Have you ever used the S-T-O-P technique, my friend?  First, you STILL yourself.  Next, you THINK about what’s occurring in the moment (e.g., stressors/external situations).  Third, you OBSERVE your thoughts and feelings, as well as take note of how your body is feeling.  Finally, you PROCEED, focused on a plan to address whatever you observe.  For example, if I recognize tension in my neck and shoulders, I might spend a few minutes stretching or relaxing to reduce any physical discomfort.

• Moving my body more. Did you know that your body holds stress?  That’s right.  Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in his book, “The Body Keeps The Score,” discusses the impact of trauma — in this case, death exposure — on the body.  In my opinion, this book is a must read; you can grab a copy here. Dr. van der Kolk notes the mind-body consequences that can result in the face of overwhelming circumstances.  In my case, the stress manifested in the form of headaches and shoulder stiffness.  Focusing on gentle bodily movement helped reduce physical tension and also afforded space for emotional release. 

Coping with over-exposure to death requires intentionality on your part.  

Intentional awareness.  Focus on support. Intentional action.

Friend, in what ways have you been over-exposed to death?  And more importantly, how might you take small steps to help yourself manage the exposure today?

Death and dying, and exposure to it, isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  Heck, we’re facing international conflict and the possibility of war right now. 

My greatest hope for you is that you do what it takes to keep yourself healthy.  You’re worth it.

Let me know what you think.

XOXO,

M

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