We often ask what we can do as we wait in life, but have you ever thought about what we can be in the waiting instead?

A couple of weeks ago, I met up with a girlfriend for lunch at a local eatery. It was a rainy and cold day, so I was quite content to order a warm autumn squash soup and salad. She ordered what I should have, a hot mint tea. As my friend approached the table, I instantly regretted by drink choice.

After enjoying a few laughs and diving into our meals, our conversation took a serious turn. For whatever reason that day, my heart felt heavy and overwhelmed. I shared that across life areas, my life seemed to be in a holding pattern.

I explained that in my career, I awaited new opportunities and open doors. In my dating relationship, more definitive signs of ‘the next level.’ Spiritually, I longed to experience a breakthrough in relationship to God. I also noted that following my dad’s death in March 2020, both my brothers and I craved closure regarding his estate affairs.

With each example shared, my cheerful countenance shifted into a tearful one. And before I knew it, crocodile tears streamed down my face and fell into my soup. All of the waiting was getting the best of me. Ever been there?

My friend listened with compassionate ears, granting space for my emotions to reside at the table. As I collected myself, she then asked how I’d managed myself in this season.

It was in that moment that I realized how difficult it was for me to be in the waiting.

I knew how to do in the waiting. As a matter of fact, it dawned on me just how much doing I’d done since my dad died. Countless e-mails. Daily devotionals. Document reviews. Thousands of prayers. Lots of busy-ness to help settle my mind.

Yet my thoughts were no less anchored as a result of the all the doing. As a matter of fact, my actions seemed to ignite more worry, restlessness, and even doubt.

Friend, did you know that our response to stress can sometimes push us in a not-so-helpful direction?

My heart’s intent throughout the past 19 months has been to solve problems, help myself, and find ways to minimize the discomfort of my circumstances. As my friend and I spoke, however, it became clear that my doing hadn’t really yielded any tangible fruit. I acknowledged that I have absolutely no control over the doors that open in my career. Or the rate at which my relationship progresses. How God pursues and communicates with me. Or how fast ‘the system’ resolves a legal matter.

I’m powerless to change much of anything really.

Though I still experienced the weight of my sadness, a shift occurred within me as I sat across the table from my friend. My spirit felt a little lighter.

She helped me consider how I could sit with what I’d negatively termed “the bread crumbs” in my life. Instead of trying to stack the crumbs to create something — my superpower, LOL — I reflected on how I might simply enjoy each crumb. Hmmmm …..

It proved to be a grand lesson in how to be in the waiting.

Of course, I didn’t have it all figured out at the table. However, the past two weeks have awakened my mind and heart to what’s in front of me. As I allow myself to be in each moment, I’m able to turn down the volume of my worries and doubts. And more importantly, I’m more aware of how blessed my life is … right now.

Wondering how I’ve practiced being these days? (Yep, this takes practice!)

Here are a few ways that have proved most valuable recently …

• Writing ‘morning pages.’ It’s a practice I’ve recently learned from Julia Cameron, author of “The Artist’s Way.” You can learn more about it here: https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/. The basic premise of the practice is to pay closer attention to what’s happening internally, as well as within the external world. Julia recommends writing three pages per day, which requires sit down time. With no specific goal in mind, it’s been wonderful to simply allow my thoughts to flow onto the pages without restraint or judgment. In addition, I’ve enjoyed reflecting on the words and themes that continue to rise to the surface. I keep my commitment to myself by placing my journal on the kitchen counter next to the Keurig before I go to bed. That way, I can sip my beloved hazelnut coffee, listen, and write first thing in the morning.

• Forcing stillness. Yep, you read that correctly! I can’t be the only one who sometimes needs to be forced to sit down. Here’s a funny story. Earlier this week, one of the Bible scriptures in my devotional was Psalm 23:2 — “He makes me lie down in green pastures …” I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that God knows His children, including me, so well! Throughout the week, I make time to rest underneath a weighted blanket in order to help calm my restlessness. In addition, I listen to 10-minute calming meditations to reset my mind. Finally, I’ve also incorporated more bath time in my weekly routine, allowing the warm water to create a bit of a cocoon around my body.

• Taking long walks with no specific aim. I’ve discovered the beautiful symbolism inherent in walking as I grieve. Like grief, the only way to travel through my hilly neighborhood is one step at a time. At times, I experience a burst of energy, adding steps to my day. On other days, however, it can prove daunting to take even one more step. Finally, walking without a purpose in mind helps me surrender to the present moment. While in motion, I often remind myself that I don’t need to change anything. I don’t need to focus on goals or outcomes. Where I am is where I’m supposed to be. My body is capable of carrying me where I need to go, in a way that is safe and specifically designed for me.

Day by day, I’m embracing what it feels like to be in the waiting.

Just this morning, I imagined myself seated on a bench, looking out to things beyond myself, things beyond my control. Waiting reminds me to remain there, bottom on the seat … no fuss and no rush. Freedom resides right where I am.

Friend, where are you today? Are you doing? Or are you being?

I challenge you to consider ways to be in the waiting.

You might just discover that what’s most needed is right in front of you. Or better yet, already within you.

Let’s spur one another on to resist the reflex to do and focus more on being. I believe in you.

As always, I’d love for you to share your thoughts.

XOXO,

M.

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