In 2013, another question my therapist asked was “Mekel, what do you think about unleashing the power of movement in grief?

Hmmm … I hadn’t really considered how the two might be connected at that point in my grief journey. After my mom died in late 2012, and my body began sending non-stop signals in the form of headaches and ‘random’ numbness in my lower body. For example, I remember attempting to get out of my car, and when I turned to put my foot down after opening my the door, I had no feeling in my left leg. On another occasion, I experienced the most excruciating headache, after which I visited my doctor, who politely informed me that nothing was wrong.

My therapist’s question intrigued me. In addition, I found myself willing to try just about ANYTHING to feel better.

I remembered that I’d been an athlete in middle and high school and considered myself to be physically fit in my 20s and 30s. It wasn’t uncommon to see me signing up for half marathons and marathons, walking 25,000 steps a day, and jogging through the streets of Los Angeles.

My mom’s death forced me to confront the reality that my body needed attention that I hadn’t given in up to that point.  But how was it that my emotions had become so intertwined with my body? 

Believe it or not, this is a common phenomenon throughout the grief process. And it makes perfect sense. The sheer degree of stress associated with grief creates a cascade of instabilities within the body, even at a cellular level. When I coupled this with day-to-day stress related to being a Black woman in this society, I can now see why my body began to shut down.

Research underscores the importance of unleashing the power of movement in grief.

For example, two researchers explored the potential integration of movement and dance therapies among children who’ve experienced the loss of a caregiver (see https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10465-017-9260-6). Another recent study noted benefits of physical exercise as a means of improving grief outcomes (see https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8028581/).

So we have some data to support the impact of grief on the body. An important question remains, however. What do we actually do to stay physically active as a way of managing grief? Here are few ideas from my own grief journey.

• One of the first things I do each morning is take a couple of minutes to explore how I’m feeling from head to toe. This involves closing my eyes, steadying my breath, and scanning my body to determine what I need to focus on in that moment.  Often, I discover that my crunchy shoulders need a little extra attention. At other times, I realize that I’m experiencing numbness in certain parts of my body. Further, tension loves to take up residence between my eyes.  Whatever I discover becomes the focal point. For instance, if I notice any stiffness or tension in my body, I might spend 5-10 minutes stretching while laying on my acupressure mat. After this, I’ll take gentle steps to move forward in my day.

Ahhh, it’s eye-opening to focus on unleashing the power of movement in grief …

• In addition, a critical aspect of coping with grief from a physical perspective is tuning in to your breath. Simple, perhaps, yet so profound. I can’t count the number of times I’ve caught myself holding my breath in order to get through stressful moments. As a result, I’ve experienced knots in my stomach, tension headaches, and achy joints, to name a few symptoms.  Deepening and widening our breath offers an opportunity for us to breathe into spaces where we may be holding tension. Further, it reminds us to ground ourselves in the moment. This, thankfully, naturally helps lower our blood pressure and enhance mental and emotional clarity.

• Another activity I regularly engage in is walking. Over the past 9 years, I’ve probably walked more turf and concrete than the average person. And it’s not because I want to be a mega-athlete. On the contrary, it’s related to the need to remind my mind that life continues to move forward. Each step serves as a physical cue for my emotional processing as I grieve. In addition, each step reminds me that I’m making myself a priority. I’ve come to recognize this as absolutely critical throughout the grief process.

• Finally, my day typically ends with time spent on my yoga mat. Anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes, I lean into each pose in order to release the grief that’s stored in my body. Dr. Marilyn Mendoza writes: “Yoga helps us loosen the emotional and physical tightness in our bodies caused by grief. It is also a way to find peace and stability during a time when this is missing from our lives” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-grief/201806/grief-yoga).

Friend, how are you unleashing the power of movement in grief?

If you haven’t done this quite yet, what are some ways that you might begin to move your body?

As a gentle reminder, grief is not solely an emotional response to loss. It’s a complex interplay of our emotions, our spiritual selves, and our physical bodies.  And I’m convinced that as we focus more attention on movement, we can help shift and align all three as we continue to grieve.

As always, I’d love to hear from you.

Leave a comment below to share your thoughts.

XOXO,

M.

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