Grieving While Black
Have you ever considered the reality of grieving while Black?
If you don’t identify as BIPOC, it’s like that you haven’t. In society, we often ascribe wide-sweeping assumptions about the grief process. As a result, we’re less able to take into account the reality that all grief is not created equal.
Caitlin Forbes (https://www.baby1stnetwork.org/news/blog-how-do-we-address-black-grief-compounded-centuries-racism-loss-and-trauma) writes in her blog:
“For over 400 years, [Blacks] have had to navigate a system that is stacked against people of color—a system defined by institutional racism that privileges White people, upholds White supremacy, and promotes discrimination and social injustice.”
Like it or not, this is the truth about life as a Black person.
Non-BIPOC folks have navigated ways of living unbridled by historical racism and other unsightly social over- and under-tones. Further, these realities underscore differential and arguably, more complex, grief responses among Black people.
Along the same lines, here are a few more stark data:
- 23% of COVID-19 deaths are attributed to Blacks, even though Blacks only make up 13% of the U.S. population
- Black babies die at 2X the rate of White babies
- Black mothers die at 3-4X the rate of White mothers
These data reflect a disturbing pattern, one that has existed for over 50 years since passage of the Civil Rights Act.
Think about this for a moment. Again, Caitlin Forbes notes:
“… we must take a long look at the historical and contemporary experiences around death in the Black community and recognize that, because of these experiences, Black grief is unique. [It] has been compounded and exacerbated by racism and discrimination, beginning in enslavement and evidenced in nearly every race-related news story we see today.”
Let’s face it. Grieving while Black against this sordid historical landscape is even more complicated and treacherous.
I can’t help but flash back to 2020, a year that could’ve been a blur, had it not been for a global pandemic and the deaths of more innocent Black Americans. In addition to the loss of lives due to COVID-19, Black persons experienced the additional burden of grief and trauma. On top of this, we recognized the exacerbation of physical and emotional health outcomes as a result.
The devastating situation surrounding George Floyd’s death catapulted my mind back to other innocent Black persons from the distant and not-so-distant past. This, in turn, provoked an array of overwhelming memories. The result … complex trauma mixed with complex grief.
Unfortunately, all grief is not created equal.
So, what do we do to promote greater understanding of Black grief?
Grieving while Black is best understood through a compassionate lens, focused on a few key ingredients.
- First, listening. Black grief is inextricably linked to racism and systematic oppression. As such, it is imperative that non-BIPOC folks not only up their minds, but also their ears to wholeheartedly listen to the detailed accounts of such racism and oppression.
- Second, maintaining a stance of respectful curiosity. Unfortunately, it’s fairly easy to inquire about another person’s lived experience in a non-tactful and rapid fire way. Nevertheless, posing timely questions while embracing a curious posture is necessary when navigating Black grief.
- Third, limiting assumptions. While the portrait of Black grief differs from other expressions, it’s also important to consider the individual person. We must be careful not to make assumptions about any Black person’s lived experience, despite physical similarities from person to person.
- Finally, exploring history and educating yourself. I feel confident in expressing the reality that Black people feel tired. Further, one aspect of our fatigue is fielding questions from those in society who haven’t taken the time to educate themselves. Bottom line … before shifting to any inquisition, do your due diligence to research on your own. This, in turn, helps reduce Black people’s re-traumatization.
Taken together, non-BIPOC individuals must anchor Black grief. This represents a vital step in reducing oppression.
Caitlin Forbes asserts, “when White grief is the assumed norm, bereavement support is also based on the White experience. As a result, the unique implications of Black grief are never addressed, and Black individuals are never given an equal opportunity to grieve and heal.”
With grieving while Black comes layers of historical complexity and potential for continued misunderstanding. Nevertheless, each of us can take steps in the right direction to offer culturally-focused support.
As a Black woman, this, I know, will be appreciated and better received.
Friend, I welcome your thoughts and reflections.
As always, I’m glad you’re here!
XOXO,
M.
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